Tewell Tyme Newsletter Volume 2, Issue II

California, long regarded as a boring state with little to do and nowhere to go, is about to undergo a major statewide facelift which will close the state for the next two years. Described by many as "culturally and aesthetically devoid", a state with no scenery or points of interest, there has, up to now, been very little reason to visit. California, in fact, is the only state that does not have a tourist bureau! Stung by negative criticism in a 1998 U.S. Chamber of Commerce report, the State recently announced that places such as Yosemite and Sequoia National Parks, revenue losers for many years, will be "turned into major land developments and mall systems, with industrial parks and connecting thoroughfares throughout".

Much of the coastal shoreline and beach areas are slated to be paved over for bicyclists, skateboarders, rollerbladers, and motorcycle gangs who have long complained of not being able to ride in the soft beach sand.

Hilton Skopje HotelMany of the more annoying mountain ranges, which tend to block the view of Nevada and New Mexico, will be leveled off or removed completely in order to develop stockcar and formula-one race tracks, with plans for international tractor pull events in what is now the Big Bear Lake region. Plans are also underway to develop the world's largest amusement park along the San Andreas Fault, with emphasis on a system of connected roller coasters that will reportedly run some 260 miles and reach heights of over 1300 feet in several places.

A gigantic strip mall, reaching from San Francisco to Los Angeles, will replace the Pacific Coast Highway through Big Sur and feature the largest number of T-Shirt shops in the world. "We plan to get rid of much of the natural vegetation, seashore, mountain ranges, wildlife and fishing areas, and basically start with a clean sheet of paper," said Roger Ver, a spokesman for the State. "We plan to asphalt and concrete as much of the state as possible, which we feel will create millions of jobs, and keep the California economy pumping. Trees may be nice to look at but they contribute nothing to the economy." Reminded that this was an election year and the renovation plans could have a political impact, Ver said that this was an economic issue, not a political one. "The voters have no idea what's good for them, said Ver. That's why we do their thinking for them." Oregon, also a boring and rather unattractive state, was said to be studying California's plan with interest. "We have a tendency to follow California's lead in matters like this, said spokesman John Denham for the Governor's Office in Oregon.

Limerick hotelsIf the guys in Sacramento say this is good for them, then it's good for us too. And if the voters don't like it, they can move to Idaho for all we care." NOTE: If you have relatives or friends living in California, you may wish to see them before the state closes for repairs.

President's Message - Pg. 1	Big Changes in California - Pg. 2	luxury hotels in EgerPoints of Interest - Pg. 3	Hard to Believe Department - Pg. 4
Meet Our Staff - Pg. 5	Buy A Vacation Home - Pg. 6	Newest Freebie - Pg. 7	Interesting Facts in - Huh? - Pg. 8